why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
