I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize