I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
