The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
