Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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