The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
