like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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