this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
