Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
In other news, I just burned my penis
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
