The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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