I only kidnapped one of them. chill
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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