This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is Oprah even human
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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