where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
