best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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