it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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