someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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