I CAN MOONWALK!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
