If that was your dad, he is hot
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
