I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
