i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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