last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
