Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
