fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize