pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
