Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
