Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
