Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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