You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
