Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize