I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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