He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
