Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There's always time for handjobs
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
