There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
