She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
