I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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