mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I want to have your abortion
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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