Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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