Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
