I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
