Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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