he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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