Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize