I puked a lego.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
my poor anus
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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