Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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