Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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