He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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