Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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