we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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