I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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