At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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