She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
