What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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