He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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