Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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