how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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