he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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