She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
