Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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