good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
