I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
