Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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