I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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