you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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