youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
birth control should be required to get into college
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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