TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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