You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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