oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
