found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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