i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
