Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
