There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
