Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
