i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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