evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
