where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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