I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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