I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize