True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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