i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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