he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
