those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
