This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
