There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
