You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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