I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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