I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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