If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
