if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
