Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
