now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize