Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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