how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
People in love make me want to vomit
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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