a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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