i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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