either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
please come you make the beer taste better
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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