yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize