Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize