how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
