If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
